Welcome to the bloggage.

"If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

I don't expect many followers, I don't imagine I have anything worth writing thats worth reading. I've never been able to keep a diary because I've always just felt that I was just ensuring my quick descent into schizophrenia. So here I am, voicing my frustrations and shortcomings to the digital world instead of paying the large quantities of Rupees it would take to pay a therapist. I mean no offense, and really, this is a sounding board for me so please don't take it seriously.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

In the beginning....

In recent days, I have begun to feel restless. I wake in the morning, spend all my energy just wrenching myself out from under the warm comfy covers, and then I sit, motionless on the edge of the bed. I sit there wondering, how did I end up here? What decisions have I made resulted in this moment.  For my purposes lets re-cap.

-High School was rough, made some bad choices-mostly grade related, but crushing suicidal teenage depression and ADHD will have that affect on just about anyone.
-I started dating, nothing unusual there....got my heart broken, also nothing unheard of.
-I decided to pursue and Acting Career in Hollywood-ended a year and a half after it began, with a large tuition bill waiting politely to be paid.
-Moved from Hollywood back home because I felt ashamed of my failure in the big city.
-chose to spend a summer living out of my car, working fast food, floating on different friends couches.
-fell in love with a girl, dated the girl's boyfriends best friend......yes, this resulted in disaster.
-worked some retail, hated the inconsistant hours so found a job through a friend with a Legal services office.
-Pursued a higher position in the company, was allowed to Transfer to San Francisco.
-moved to Concord to be close to the city.(ha, I learned later that concord is very much not close)
-worked a couple years there doing very well
-fell in love
-got engaged
-got unengaged
-moved to Oakland to be even closer
-was still in love and dating previous fiance
-chose to move back home to be with fiance
-got a low paying job and moved in with ex-fiance
-madly in love with ex-fiance, still living with him

This is a short and sweet of it.....

So I currently sit, after 1 year being back home, restless, bored, feeling....like my life is wasting away.

I grew up wishing for a fairy tale, a magical adventure...all I got was life, and it has let me down.

I wanted to travel, I wanted to do everything, I'm 24 and I seem to have done nothing.

Although, I have found love, which, I guess is something that is very worth while.

All in all, I'm voicing my general disaproval at what I've accomplished so far.

I intend to go back to school, but it's expensive, and it's difficult for me to work and attend school to any success.

So, I don't know what to do at this point, I'm sleepy and forgetting what I was saying.

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