Welcome to the bloggage.

"If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

I don't expect many followers, I don't imagine I have anything worth writing thats worth reading. I've never been able to keep a diary because I've always just felt that I was just ensuring my quick descent into schizophrenia. So here I am, voicing my frustrations and shortcomings to the digital world instead of paying the large quantities of Rupees it would take to pay a therapist. I mean no offense, and really, this is a sounding board for me so please don't take it seriously.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


I haven't had sex in ages, a6-nd it's my fault.

I can't blame anyone else, I can't even claim "it's a bad relationship" because it's not.

I love him, he holds me, he talks to me, he snuggles me, he supports me, we eat together, sleep together, laugh together.

I had an I.U.D. placed awhile back, at first no problems. normal reaction. But then about 6-8 months in....I start bleeding.....and didn't stop...

still bleeding....it's been months....I've gained about 50lbs...

I feel like I'm wasting away...becoming useless...

He's sleeping with another woman, which, let me explain by saying we're an odd...but very open couple.  I embrace his open sexuality, and normally I would be a participator, but...with my body being...broken....I am left behind.

With him sleeping with another woman, and me being broken...it hurts...

I feel betrayed even though, I embrace it and accept it and enjoy it.

I don't know what to do about fixing it, I can't find anything online that talks about this, and I don't trust the clinics I can afford.

I grow more hopeless, and feeling more worthless and..broken as the minutes pass....

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